Tired of Trying to Be Normal

I love the quote, “masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.” – Anonymous

I resonate with the sentiment of this quote. I find myself tired today and it isn’t because of lack of sleep. It is from trying really hard to do well at life. I don’t know about you- but, sometimes, I realize that I have been working really hard and haven’t taken enough time to play and to just be weird.

I come from a family of hard-workers. In fact, at family reunions, the “Pearson work ethic” is often discussed. My dad’s parents came through the Great Depression and they were some of the hardest working people I have ever met. My gramma ironed the sheets that went on the beds and even ironed underwear sometimes.  She made homemade pies and homemade bread every few days. She kept her home immaculate. My grandfather also was a hard worker. He was a tool and dye maker for Ford for years. He was known as one of the hardest working people in the whole factory.

My parents, too, have worked really hard. They try to be good people, good citizens, and take care of life well. My dad was in politics and really exemplified the true meaning of being a “civil servant.” My mom taught for a community college and also wrote miracle stories for every day people to experience God. But, more than that, they were always trying to live life well and right and be good people.

This is the stock I have come from. And, even now, you would find my family faithfully taking care of responsibilities day after day – consistently doing the right thing. I love that actually and I’m proud of my heritage.

But, can doing good sometimes go awry? I know that for me it can. In the sense that I get so caught up in the management and maintenance of my life and doing EVERYTHING well if not perfectly that I forget to live my moments. As a child, I was weird-weird in a beautiful, quirky way. I made people laugh- sometimes because I was a little comedian and sometimes because I was sensitive soul that sadly, got teased. Either way, for much of my early life, I was totally not self-conscious. I didn’t care what people thought of me.

Now, as an adult, it is so easy to get caught up in questions like, “Am I living my absolute best life?” “What else can I be doing or doing better?” Or, to just get bogged down by daily responsibilities like bills, feeding myself, errands and taking care of all the many details of life. No wonder, many of us go on vacation and collapse into a pile of mush. Life goes at a break-neck speed and it is hard to keep up.

Yesterday, I had my iPhone repaired and for three hours I was without my phone. It was odd and glorious. For a while, I was just me in the moment- not, -rushing-to-the-next moment-me. Slowing down is hard at times and it feels like we don’t have permission to just play. Do you remember being a kid and asking a friend to come over to play? Do you remember playing outside and not having a phone or an electronic device but rather just living in that perfectly imperfect moment? I have a picture where my neighbor and I buried her very patient golden lab in freshly cut grass. There was no purpose behind it-we just thought it would be fun and it was.

Think about words like- pressure, expectations, deadlines, due dates, etc… And, now think about words like- silliness, rest, laughter, and enjoyment. The words themselves resonate at different vibration levels. The first set is more likely to lead to tense muscles, set jaw and pushing through. Whereas, the second set, if we really let ourselves go there… is likely to lead to a relaxed body and deeper breathing.

When I live too long in the pressure cooker of our society and in the pressure cooker of my own expectations for “right” and “good” living, I get tired. And, when I get that tired, I have to do some self-care. Or, sometimes, I will completely rebel and not want to do anything well and go to the opposite extreme. Maybe there is a balance? I’m writing this for myself as well… I’m wondering, how do we add simple play and rest into the daily grind? What if it wasn’t all about TGIF and it was more about, “Thank you God for this very moment.”?

On the journey with you… Love, Shelley