Moving from Disconnection to Connection

I’m going to give this a shot. Even though, it is so hard to embody ideas that are mysterious like this – if good and solid connection with self and others was straightforward – it would be sold in a bottle and marketed and we would all be taking it as a daily supplement. Instead, it, like most important things in our lives. It is to be experienced not analyzed.

Writing has become a way for me to make sense of myself and my internal and external world. So, today I want to write about bodies and our need for connection. I tend to be a very head-focused person in that I like to think, analyze, study and research. I am a person who likes to KNOW and UNDERSTAND the world. My dad is very much like this and maybe I get it from him; he reads, he travels, he thinks and it is part of who he is. There is nothing wrong with this most of the time.

For me, though, it is easy for me to become disembodied like a fairy floating through the air or like one who is living in multiple places at once. Or, as a head walking around rather than a full and complete body. When I was a younger child, I was more connected – my mind and my body acted as one cohesive unit. It is that way for all of us. Babies and young children are completely embodied and 100 percent in the moment. Over the years though, I have struggled with this integration. I would argue that our society struggles with this as well. We as individuals are now tempted to look at our phones and interact in pseudo ways rather than a fully connected way such as meeting in person and talking face-to-face and eye-to-eye.

Things that disconnect me from myself are: self-consciousness (when I’m thinking about Me, Myself & I- I’m not connected to my whole body self or to other people). Other things that disconnect me from my body are: comparing myself with others and observing and dissecting things I see in a person or on a screen, often in a fearful manner. All those things seem to disconnect me from authentic connection.

It is important for me to grow in awareness and practice of the things that connect me to the here and now and ground me within my body in time and space. When I’m laughing it is like all the wires are firing well and connections are being made internally and externally. It is pure delight and I love that. Simple things like eating, praying, exercising, thankfulness, being in nature – all can bring us back to the present moment. For me, writing has become a way to re-member and re-orient my own body.

I know in my gut that this disconnection is a big problem for a lot of us-we are too separated from our in the moment selves and from each other. In fact, mental illness, in my view is about disconnection. Just think about schizophrenia, for example – it primarily is an illness that disconnects a person from reality. Likewise, anxiety and depression often stem from disconnection with self and others.

I can tell when I am personally struggling with my connection to self and others. My eyes often give me those clues. I start scrambling for connection and find myself awkwardly looking at people – comparing, fearing, and wondering whether I’m okay and wanting to be validated externally. The opposite of this – when I’m feeling confident – I can look at people with ease and allow them to see me with ease and without fear.

What are healthy ways to become more embodied versus unhealthy? What works for you? How do you stay grounded in the present moment?

Maybe this poem I wrote last year will spark something in you as well:

Beholding too much
Like the belly when it is stuffed entirely too full
Or, the jar of pennies completely filled

Eyes tired from taking in the bright and dark colors of the world
Seeing, seeing, anxiously seeing everything
Afraid to be caught off guard

Now, as if, my eye has gotten sleepy
It says, “Enough, no more.”
Seeing isn’t meant to be a weapon
A bow & arrow aimed at the heart

Permission to not have to anticipate
Know and understand everything
The pillows of the orbs close in
Drawing a curtain, the line in the sand

A promise made
To rest, to trust
To begin to see through His eyes

Through the eyes of He who made this globe
And, holds it in His hands
The eyes of love, truth, and peace

My eyes are tired
They need renewal
That comes from the deep trust of the Creator
Submitting to Him, as the creature